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So Lost...

For so long I have been focused on getting a full time job, and now that I have that I am once again focusing on my future. Questions just keep plaguing me like: "What am I going to be doing in a year?" "Will I go to grad school?" "Will I get a teaching job?" "Will I stay at my current job?" "Will I get another job somewhere?" And now I just can't seem to get these questions out of my head. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do, where to apply, how to find new opportunities.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have been striving for something. Whether it's doing well in sports each season, or getting good grades at the end of the year, getting Top 10 of my class, and then graduating high school, then it was doing well in college, finding a good major, and then graduating. Now that I am done with all that, I am finding that it's hard for me not to feel a little lost, lonely, confused, and without purpose. Once I discovered that teaching was the profession that I wanted, I figured that I would be able to find a job and do what I love. Well that isn't exactly what happened; I graduated and applied to places, got interviews, and got shot down for them all. If that isn't discouraging I don't know what is then. I thought that my love for teaching, my connections to wonderful educators and people, and the extras on my resume would surely secure me a job. But I fell flat on my face. I am not saying that the people that got those jobs don't deserve them, they might and they really might be great at them, but it's hard for me to be happy for them when I am so miserable.

I get frustrated when I remember the teachers that I had in high school that hated teaching, and yet they still had a job, and because of tenure, they probably still have one. I just think it's time for the new kids to get a try at teaching these children. I have the will, the drive, the love, the caring, the passion, the education, and the patience to be an amazing teacher. I hope that someday I get the chance.

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